It's been a while, hasn't it?

It's cold, but not freezing. The leaves aren't completely white with ice just yet; just burnt orange and beautiful reds. The trees are almost completely naked now, stripped down to the bare bark. There is a few stubborn leafs left. It's beautiful and sad and beautifully sad. I've been watching them transform, very closely, from crazy little green trolls to insanely beautiful pieces of art. She's quite good at these seasonal art installations, our mother earth.

I spent my day raking leaves and doing yoga outside in the damp, yellow grass. My shoes are covered in mud, so I had to leave them outside, and my nose is still slightly pink - but I couldn't leave that outside. I am living slowly. I'm learning that it's OK to be soft and sensitive and silly and care deeply about small things; like a heart shaped leaf or that perfectly circular watermark a warm cup of tea leaves on a table. It's who I am, and I don't need to justify my actions or thoughts or feelings to anyone. Not even myself. It's both strange and liberating at the same time. I will continue to convince myself that I am in fact OK. Someday I might believe it, fully. My goal is to silence these voices within me that craves perfection, and search for peace instead. And it's OK if I fall flat on my face while I search for it, I've done it a hundred times already and it is what the ground is there for; catching me when I fall.


Because I can

This summer I want to meditate and swim. I want to do yoga in the sun and I want to eat all the watermelon I can carry home with me. I want to drink sparkling water and pick wild flowers. I want to take my lil family for long walks in the woods, and sleep outside in a tent where I'll wake up all sweaty and nostalgic. I want to strengthen my body and calm my mind. I want to feel the wind on my skin and grass underneath my feet. Go on road trips and eat ice cream and look at pretty things.

And I get to do all this. Because I can. I'm lucky.


Grounded for life

I don't know where this new found calmness comes from. Or, I do know, but I'm finding it hard to believe - and understand. It's all a little confusing, to be honest. I've always been a sensitive girl, and a little (a lot) strange, but this feels different somehow. Maybe I'm having a manic episode/mental breakdown, and I don't even realize it. If I am, that's OK, because it's making me feel good, and everything that makes me feel good is OK in my book. Calmness is not something that comes easy for me, it never has been, so I'm welcoming it with my arms (and chakras) wide open.

I'm just feeling more grounded. It's weird, because I always thought I was rather down to earth, but now I see that I might have been floating around like an old balloon for quite some time. Much like the ones that escape from children's sticky McDonald's fingers and just float around aimlessly for a couple of weeks. I'm glad I'm not that balloon anymore. It's nice down here where the wild flowers grow, and the hedgehogs wobbles. I think I'll stay here for a while.


Ph. Julie Pike